To take things less personally you might have to know more about the violator.
Just Let It Roll Off Your Back to Take Things Less Personally
You may have heard the saying “let it roll off your back.” But when people say something hurtful, it’s hard to let go of what they said. It’s almost like they knew what would hurt us the most.
So what do we do with that assault? Should we lash back at them? Will we feel better if we push their “hurt” button as well?
Most likely we won’t get anywhere by serving them a piece of themselves. But getting the hurtful words they said out of our minds can be emotionally exhausting and painful as well. Is what they said right? Is that how everyone sees us? How in the world do we take things less personally?
Sometimes the only way we can get over something like this is to consider all the things that could have happened along the way of this person’s day, week, year, or life.
Allow Yourself to be Imperfect
Yes, perhaps a bit of what the person said is right, we all have faults and they may have hit it square on, but did they mean to hurt us so deeply?
Maybe something you said hit a nerve that is a reminder of a more devastating blow earlier in their life. It’s possible they haven’t adequately dealt with that situation and they are being defensive about their long-fought battle of what to do about those emotions. Their reaction may have nothing to do with you.
Or you could have been down the road from a slew of negative events in this person’s life that disappointed and frustrated them. Possibly you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, centered and ready for fire!
I believe many times people misunderstand what others are trying to relate to them and the real problem lies in the fact that there are many ways to misinterpret every communication people have. It takes a thorough and excellent communicator to clearly understand everything a person means when they are communicating with you. Just ask anyone whose paid a therapist for years of therapy!
In fact, to understand a person’s perspective, you would have to walk with them through their entire life, experience everything they did, and be inside their mind to know how they interpreted each situation. Impossible!
Try to Understand the Depth of Trouble Others May Be Experiencing
So, I’ve decided in my past experiences that replaying what they said in my mind is not worth my time.
Consider the stress level of the person who offended you. Maybe they have no clue that what they said is hurting you to the extreme you are experiencing. Possibly they’re stuck in a whirlwind of destructive habits and don’t have a clue why they do it, let alone how to stop doing it.
This awareness is where it starts being evident that you can’t help them. You have to allow their insults to be their problem.
I’ve learned in my own life experiences that letting someone’s bad behavior be their problem, even when it’s affected me, is a gift to myself and them. It cuts the rope that wants to pull me down emotionally and physically. And it makes evident to the violator the fact that it is their problem. If we hold onto the violation that was committed we make it our issue as well.
Remove Yourself from the Repeat Offender
There’s also the issue of whether we continue to let the other person’s problems violate our daily lives. Even though we know someone has a heavy load in life, their unwillingness to rise above it and assault us with their raw emotions may require us to move out of the shooting zone.
In marriage, friendship, work, and family, stepping back and away for a while might be the only thing that allows other people to see their issues.
Of course, it’s easier to step back in a friendship situation than a discord within our home. But what if your life is affected to the point of serving the other person more than yourself? If we’re using all our emotional and physical strength to love the other and never receiving anything in return, it may be time for reevaluation. How long can you live in a one-sided relationship?
Noone should have to go to work every day to be assaulted with words, put down continuously, or never told of their value to the company. I’m not saying quit your job immediately. Consider looking for work that leaves you a happier person at the end of the day. You can’t put a price on happiness. And being valued for what you put your heart and soul into every day is priceless. Note to bosses and managers – the time you take to voice an employees value to your company will serve you well also!
Notice How You’re Relating to Others
We can minimize hurtful situations by being careful how and what we are relating to others. Try to see the whole person. Think of how their life situation may put them in a unique position to not being very receptive to what we are saying. After all, we can’t judge a person by one aspect of their life.
An attorney says to a secretary, “Imagine; I was almost good friends with a bus driver”! You might think that it’s fine being friends with anyone but the attorney assumes it’s beneath her socially.
Talking endlessly to someone who can’t have children about your children.
Complaining about your landscaper to someone who struggles to keep up with their yard work and would love to have the option of hiring someone to help with the yard.
Unloading your problems to someone but never taking time to listen to their problems.
These statements could easily cause someone to lash out at you.
In a world of hate and violence, we can make a big difference by refusing to cooperate.
Let’s try to thoroughly inform ourselves before we pick sides. And remember, there are always two sides to the story.
Maybe it’s easier to ignore other peoples offending words when we are too busy working on our own issues to care what they say.
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How to stop overthinking things.